15: Jade’s book

So, once upon a time Jade told us all she was going to write a book and that Furonda should read it.

Now I have checked what Jade is up to these days and I have found no evidence that she is in fact, writing this book (or doing anything else, but that’s not my point). Maybe she has in fact written that book but it’s not out because she is unable to find a publisher, but I find that hard to believe.

Tyra wrote a book and it was hot garbage about a girl named Tookie who flew off in the sky to a model school while being skullfucked by Tyson Beckford’s finger or something.

I’m not saying or something because I don’t know what it’s about because I didn’t read it, I’m saying that as a confused (and a slightly embarrassed) reader of Modelland.

As Jade was the gift that kept on giving in Season 6, I imagine her book would be an insight into the great mind of Jade Cole.  She was just so many things at once. I am having a hard time pinning down what her book would be about, let alone be called.

But I’ll give you some suggestions of what Jade might be channeling for her magnum opus.

Will it be…?

about her career as High Fashion godess? Jade Cole: Absolutely ridiculous she’s not a supermodel already

her inspiring poetic words? Jade Cole: Leftover Lady

her knowledge of paleontology? Jade Cole: The genealogist that uncovered something huge about elephants

about her accidentally coining new words? Jade Cole: Too much too withandle intake

about how to make a sick diss rap track? Jade: The ace of spades

Or her time as a relationship coach? Jade Cole: Not in your relationship

or even her foray into the world of spelling? Jade Cole: Definitely spells ‘et cetera’ correctly

So I would like to say that I just don’t think Jade wrote the damn thing. And I’m not sure if Furonda is waiting for it, as she’s busy being selling houses,

and being a criminal defense attorney

and selling her own line of skin care products, that will leave you neither lumpy or bumpy (take that Jade)

and being a political activist for worthy causes.

So good for Furonda, but I am not busy and I am still  waiting for that book…as long as it’s  not about spitting out whipped cream when you realise it is not- in fact Tyson Beckford’s thumb.

If I had a nickel someone said the exact opposite to me.


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