12: Nicole’s Nightmare

I want to talk about Nicole Linkletter for a bit.

You might remember Nicole for being a little bit annoying or whiny, or you might think she robbed Nik from the win as she didn’t perform as well throughout the competition.

But I want to just look at the world, or well season 5 of ANTM, from Nicole’s eyes. Perhaps you’d find yourself rethinking your position on the situation. She had to put up with a lot.

Like that one time they made her rub Nutella on her arm for some reason:

And that time she decided to sing about a fake chocolate brand they had to promote:

Fast forward a little bit to a non cocoa related time in the competition when they were about to go overseas to London Canada England. Things weren’t looking up at all.

Not only was she just fake-out almost eliminated but she had to deal with girls with (very little modeling potential and) lots of ‘personality’. She was not one of those girls, and from that perspective it’s a little odd Tyra let her win. It did however mean she had to deal with these ‘personalities’.

All the girls Nicole was friends with (and who co-incidentally seemed relatively normal) like Ebony and Kyle went home.

And so all she had left was Kim as a friend. Who was a little gossipy, but at least she was fun and somewhat sane.

I’ll just go by who else was left. Like this lady:

You remember Lisa. She was err.. uhmm.. it’s hard to describe her better than Coryn did. She was an…

Thanks Coryn!

Nicole was on set with the Wildboyz (you know those arseholes from MTV) and Steve O. took a liking to Nicole and had a bit of a crush on her and gave her a lot of attention. He should have bought her chapstick to seal the deal.

Lisa was clearly not happy that she didn’t get any attention, so what do you do in that situation? Here were her options:

You know what happened here.

Quick reminder: this was the winner of the All Stars season!

Nicole felt as we all did…

But Lisa wasn’t the only that made Nicole feel…things.I’ll give you a hint on who else, it’s a fallen-from-grace Jehova’s witness.

I feel like Jayla is a very underrated ANTM personality, because she’s the type of person that’s incredibly self unaware. And much like Jade from season 6, that personality makes her into a great villain.

She straggled the line between a wannabe punk tough girl and a dirty dirty stripper.

I’ll show you this (classy) duality in scenes from the same episode. After the makeover, Jayla got really long Morticia hair and a new style she was assigned with her makeover

During the challenge that followed she had to shop for clothes that fit this new style on Rodeo drive. Jayla however couldn’t keep the poser punk chick from rearing her head.

She found a pair of acid washed jeans with a skull appliqué (what store where they in, Ed Hardy?) and noted:

To which Kim rightfully noted:

The other side of Jayla was shown later in that week when Jayla got her 7 inch patent leather platform stripper heels out to dance topless on the kitchen sink.

Also not very ‘Yves St. Laurent chique’

Of course Nicole felt as we all did..

Turns out Jayla’s style was really more like..

To further prove her flawed personality, Jayla was really offended by Nik… Nik! The super soft spoken girl with the personality of an aging librarian! Jayla went her to go on this odd hate rant about her.

Which frankly made her seem nuts.

The other girl that was left was Bre,  and although Bre had a mild obsession with regurgitation.

She seemed like a decent human being up to that certain point. She did hate Nicole’s guts for some reason though.

At one point Bre confirmed that the competition was getting to her, and the cracks began to show. She decided it was time to call out Kim on her gossipy behaviour (and she was kind of gossipy so it makes sense)

Of course crazy ass Jayla chimed in, looking like serial killer.

And from that point on it seemed like Bre knew she had the right to let people have it or something.

When arriving in London things seemed to be looking up for Nicole, because this lady was eliminated.

To celebrate, Nicole decided to jump on the bed in the London hotel. If you think I’m making up this story about Nicole’s trouble in the house, here she is referring to their former living quarters:

But things weren’t going to get better next week for Nicole, because well…

I think you know what this is going to be about. It’s even more stupid when I break it down.

Bre thought Nicole took one of her granola bars because she hated her and so she took it upon herself to poor out the one thing Nicole loved more than chapstick: her Red Bull. Kim then caught her in the act of pooring the red bulls and they had sex or something, it’s still not clear to me:

Then, after she was attacked by pigeons,

Nicole’s best friend, Kim, went home…and after panel Bre still didn’t apologise and was still nuts.

Moreover she didn’t even know what Bollywood was.

Okay nobody did. Is it just me or is that really shocking? I mean I’m not surprised Jayla doesn’t know, but nobody did.

After the challenge in which they had to dress a certain style, nobody knew what Bollywood was, and the amazing Simon Doonan called Jayla out on her bullshit after she was told to dress ‘punk’ and she thought she nailed it…

The remaining four girls were let out to do some exploring in pairs and Bre and Nicole had to go together after Nik and Jayla decided they wanted to go together. Which was a little odd because Jayla called Nik a ‘stupid, stupid bitch about a week before that.

Nicole and Bre had a glass of wine and talked it out in a second. Back in the house Nicole told Nik she was happy she took the bullet for her:

After the judges got rid of Jayla and Bre (after being in the bottom two a record 84 time), Nicole and Nik were the last girls standing.

Tyra somehow suddenly realised that she wanted a winner that could be successful as a fashion model (imagine that!) and then Nik’s boobies went everywhere in the final fashion show:

And Nicole won. And for having to put up with all that shit, she sort of deserved it.


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1 Comment

  1. Linh Bui 22nd January 2018

    Your post is giving me life!!! :))))

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