10: I just need you to know some people have wars in their country

Brittany from season 8 was a little bit of a whiner. This is one of the reason she got into a fight with Renee about the residential wall thickness of the model house and how this is affected by the sex of the inhabitants.

Renee comes out like she’s about to punch her.

But getting in to an argument with Renee seemed to be more of a rule than an exception for any girl in the house. Why is that Renee?

Your words not mine.

In case you didn’t know, Renee is serving time in prison now. You probably did. It’s not a pleasant story.

She was arrested for a lot of pretty (serious drug-induced) offenses like stealing (I’m guessing this wasn’t granola) and having armed standoffs with the police.

In prison she is now a militant atheist and militant lesbian (her Twitter handle is lesbi_atheist, I shit you not).

Did you know they had Twitter in prison? I sure didn’t.

A while back I looked up info about Renee’s sentence and I came across this piece on a website where someone with some info on what happened exactly. In the comment section someone who claimed to be her wife (probably also a militant lesbian and a militant atheist) got really upset in the comment section.

That site was pretty neutral and seeing as I do crack a few jokes now and then,  I pray to god I don’t end up in the US prison system because… well I’ve enlisted the help of season 4’s Brandy to explain what would happen to me in prison after these comments. What would happen to me Brandy?

Thanks Brandy! Anyway, back to my story about Brittany. In week two Brittany won a runway challenge in a high school in front of students. Not the faintest idea why though,  because this was her walk:

What is she doing?

But I guess at least her tits weren’t out

Random ANTM personality Roy Campbell decided that Brittany was the best and then she then won this as a prize.

Yes, that is a 5 feet plastic trophy with a spray painted shoe on top.

Then the next week Jay announced that they’ll be shooting with one of his favourite treats…

Be honest, you were thinking it.

Well he did say just one of his favourite treats. Anyway, was a little bit of a silly photo shoot where a lot of things were going on (on ANTM? Imagine that!).

Sadly for Jael, her friend just passed away, she decided to dedicate the shot she took to her.

Now I don’t want to take away from that, but I want to just remind you that Jael was naked, while straddling a huge ice cream cone with her ladyparts, while holding ice cream on her hand, while portraying a birthday cake, while painted neon pink. Not sure if that makes the best condolences card to her family…

According to Brittany, she was different to the other girls because her hands her hands were not going to react well to holding ice cold ice cream. This is Felicia’s comment that that statement:

Yep, Brit, you’re super unique. Also: other people’s hands were going to react worse, so shut up Brit. The girl  who they shot first (Cassandra) was the guinea pig in this situation and the producers failed to realise that holding something ice cold in your bare hands for an extended period of time is bad for you.

She got frostbite and had to go to the hospital with second degree burns. After that some genious realised it would be a good idea to put vaseline on their hands first.

In a later week the girls had to make up supermodel mononym nicknames, you know like ‘Iman’ or like

Brittany chose the name ‘Brit’. Yes really. She specified that it would specifically not be ‘brit-tit-tit’.

Which I wish she had chosen because it sounds at least a lot less basic than ‘Brit’. Seriously, how the hell is ‘Brit’ a distinguishable model mononym? It doesn’t quite fit in with this list…

One of these is different than the others.

When the girls had to perform in an acting challenge in which they had to memorise a script, Brittany did pretty well. Not well enough to win the challenge though. Who did win was Renee and the house still hated her guts. Here she is in an altercation with Dionne:

I’m not sure what it means, but Dionne better hope Renee didn’t create a shiv out of a tootbrush and a tampon. To make amends Renee chose  specifically Dionne to participate in her price for winning the challenge..

Dionne then  received a t shirt because the price was a t shirt. To which Dionne noted:

Although the ‘real’ price was that their family visited. I don’t really know how Renee’s (former?) husband who visited now feels about her being an atheist. That’s harsh.

Oh yeah, and the 12 years in prison and lesbian thing too.

They soon went overseas to Australia and Jael was still there somehow.

I circled her here in case you missed her.

In Australia they had to act in a CoverGirl commercial (always good for the creation of some entertainment). They got a script to memorise, much like in the challenge from a week before. This is when we first heard Brit tell a story about an injury she apparently sustained a few years prior to that moment, which negatively effects short term memory.

But last week Brit had to memorise things as well, and she did pretty decently with it (even though you didn’t win a t shirt), so Dionne knew Brit was lying:

But Brittany survived her (potential) lie because, I repeat, Jael was still there for some reason. And bless Jael for preventing Brittany going home or we would not have this moment I’m working toward(S) in this post)

It involves our girls Brit-tit-tit and our favourite Russian lady who list surprised as one of her personality traits.

And you know what’s coming. Brit is about  to get checked in the most beautiful way.

That week was go see week (it’s when you go and see clients, it’s a very complicated industry term). Brit won the runway challenge back in episode 2, so she probably thought that spray painted shoe stood for something.

She thought she was going to impress the designers with her walk. We, however knew that this would not be the case as  her walk was this:

And in addition to her walk being that, she was also late and as we all know, you can’t be late in a go see challenge (it’s when you go and see clients, in case you didn’t know) or you’ll get disqualified.

Outside Priscilla’s modeling agency (where they were supposed to meet back at), Brittany encountered Natasha who didn’t do so hotly either. She fully ignored designer Wayne Cooper when he asked her how tall she was so that can’t be a plus.

Also: Natasha was late as well, although she was considerably closer to the cut off.

Natasha took her disqualification well…like a regular person. Brit, not so much. She threw one of the biggest temper tantrums I have ever seen in my life, especially thrown by an adult.

She swore and threw her portfolio to the floor…

She shout-lied that she told her taxi driver to go to Cooper Street…

and then she continued to go off on Natasha who was actually very sweet to her and tried to comfort her. When Natasha tried to tell her she would be okay, Brittany shouted at her that she was allowed to be upset.

Priscilla, queen of the desserts, model agent, and (unfortunately for Brittany) future guest judge, could totally hear her.

At that point Natasha had it with Brittany and her ridiculous behaviour. And she just laughs at her:

You can almost her her thinking ‘this bitch’, or well.. ‘это блядь’, probably. When Brittany continues on even then, Natasha stoically turns to her and uttered, what I consider one of the best quotes in top model history, if not in history as a whole:


I use this quote in my daily life whenever someone is overreacting to something. It’s absolutely glorious.

Brittany was eliminated in this episode, but she did do some modeling after the show. Or at least more than Renee (you know because she’s in prison).

In case you’re looking for more of Natasha (and how could you not) you can checkout an earlier post dedicated to her.

And if you didn’t like this post I blame my taxi driver. Bye!

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