05: Coochie coochie coo, Monique’s ‘Little Thingy’


I just want to start of this entry by stating what Monique from season 7 means by ‘her little thingy’. It’s her crusty panties guys.

Let’s touch up on several instances that occurred in season 7. It’s not  the most memorable season but to recap, it had twins, and a girl won that asked Nigel whether he had a literal stick up his ass.

But the two main players in these particular situations are these two ladies:

Melrose, or as she was lovingly referred to be her housemates:

And a girl named Monique who according to Jay could sell liquor.

Monique didn’t stick around for very long, but that is not what is important here. What is important is that Monique was sort of oddly obsessed with using her vagina as a way to intimidate other competitors. Well actually, mostly one competitor: Smellrose.

The focus on her nether region started the moment the girls moved into the house. You see, this was one of the many occasions in which the producers tried to stir up drama by not having enough beds for the girls to sleep in. Cue panicked “THERE ARE ONLY 11 BEDS, GUYS!”- screams.

So when Monique wasn’t quick enough to claim a bed, maybe because she was busy doing whatever this is…

she pretended to pee on a bed to claim it.

This turned out to be Eugena’s bed, who claimed she wanted to fight her. I have no idea how they made up, but they somehow recovered from this and Eugena (who totally should have won, side note) seemed to be Monique’s only friend in the house later on.

She did not get a long with Smellrose because, well, Smellrose was a little overbearing. I think AJ (the all-the-potential-in-the-world trope contestant) said it best:

To punish Smellrose for her behaviour, one night, while collectively reading the Tyra Mail, Monique decided to put her hand ‘up her towel’ and let Smellrose smell it like this:

Now I’m sorry if I’m misconstruing this situation, but that just straight up mean she put her hand in her vagina and let Smellrose smell it right? Melrose was not charmed by the scent.

I may not be a gynecologist but it seems unnatural to be able to use the smell of your genitals as a chemical weapon, especially if you just showered.

P.S. Don’t eat whatever is in this jar

I assume that this is why she was wearing a towel, right, or wait? Was she just wear the towel as a ruse!? Had she been cooking this grenade for days?

Anyway, some people might be embarrassed by the pungent scent of their reproductive organs, but not Monique. Monique took it for what it was and used it to her advantage (or at least against Smellrose). Because there was another ..incident.

After another fight (this time about doors), Monique told now-friend and co-conspirator Eugena her brilliant plan to go rub her panties on Smellrose’s bed whilst she sleeps. Or as she describes it, “I wiped her bed

Her panties are apparently crusty enough to produce some sort of toxic substance, I’m sorry but that is just like contestant Jaeda said:

Another competitor, Anchal, is clearly not grasping the severity of the situation, and states she is afraid Monique is going to

Or is that an analogy of vaginal discharge I’m just unaware of? In that case, I would say the chances are considerable, but it’s a good thing she’s not Smellrose.

Moreover this is how she laughed after the wiping incident.

I’m not sure whether she is intentionally laughing like a Disney villainess here, but I hope for her it’s not the natural way she laughs.

In the next episode Monique decided she was too sick to compete in the photoshoot (maybe something with her snatch, I don’t know?). And so she was sent home.

I feel we were robbed from a couple more of Monique’s muffin moments. And that’s just unfortunate for us because it was as entertaining as it was unhygienic.

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