04: “This is…fuck.” Jade’s covergirl commercials

Jade from season 6 is fondly remembered by many fans of ANTM. She kissed a cockroach.

She bullied some girl named Gina (with said cockroach among other things). And she thought she looked damn good in her panties.

Jade knew that this was not ‘America’s Next Top Best Friend’. And that was a blessing for the viewer.

One of Jade’s ‘best’ moments had to be when she performed her Covergirl commercial in the sixth episode. They had to walk up some stairs, navigate along the perimeter of a pool and at the end pick up a bottle of foundation and deliver some lines. The girls had two takes to get it right.

Now there was some improv required as the girls had to mingle with some extras and say some things that one would hear in a Covergirl commercial. Jade completely missed this memo. During her first take Jade didn’t say anything to the ‘guests’, or improvise any lines at all.

She did however gave the hand to a waiter, do a twirl, and blow kisses to random people.

This led to Jay Manuel (the creative director) telling Jade that she had to improvise some lines In her second attempt Jade did a routine that I can only describe as ‘wasted drag queen enters club’.

So Jade basically did the same thing only this time she told extras they looked fabulous outside of hearing range

She was seemingly unaware of where the stairs she was walking up led to and enthusiastically noted:

And she twirled while exclaiming

When she got to the end the only lines she could get out were “This is. Ok. This is. Lightweight makeup, okay…” followed by

This of course made for an awful Covergirl commercial and let us be honest here, it was the worst performance of the week.

What is surprising is that it was actually sort of close. You see more girls struggled with giving a convincing performance.

Joanie rambled…

Brooke did the entire thing in Valleyspeak for some reason

Nnenna does not know what colour her skin is and also does not know how to hold a bottle

Sara does know how to hold a bottle but also knows how to hold her liquor (but neither in frame)

And Mollie Sue will beat your ass

Mollie Sue (unfairly) went home for her commercial because the producers know all the potential craziness Jade could deliver.

And Jade brought it in all sorts of forms of crazy Jade (this seems fitting as she spoke of herself in third person). So let’s take a look at Jades we saw on the show (it’s like forms of a Barbie only considerably more insane).

  • Paleontologist Jade, when she’s discussing the origins of elephants
  • Culturally insensitive Jade, when she refers to her Tuk-Tuk that drives her around for her go-sees as a..
  • Hilariously contradictory Jade, when discussing her life mottoand of course..
  • old crack whore Jade

Jade made it all the way to the final three. Unfortunately for her , but luckily for us, Jade had to do another Covergirl commercial. Jade was determined to not repeat her former Covergirl mistakes and clearly intended to improvise beautifully.

So you might think someone would steer away from that idea when they were handed a script the night before.

But not Jade, Jade chose to completely ignore the script. Why you ask? Well because

Coming into the final commercial Jade asked Jay if they could improvise. Jay flat out told her “No”. But it was too late, the damage had been done. Here is what Jade was supposed to say, and then  what Jade actually said..Let’s bring out the Jade cue cards!

Jade didn’t know anything about the product she was selling

Although she was at least somewhat sure it was mascara

She made up stories in which she complimented herself …

 ..multiple times

 ….Multiple times

And poor Jade (while improvising beautifully!) was sent home for this performance. So let us end this entry in a fitting way. With some beautiful words from the final form of Jade we saw on the show when she went out, Spoken word poet Jade:

Leftover Lady
Let alone the strongest to be subdued
If only I had the magic key
To unlock the realms to…
A plateau of the highest me
Even though I’ve been badly bruised
Living in a house to become A popular muse

Next Post

Previous Post

Leave a Reply