03: The Phall of Jennipher

In season 3 Pocatello native Jennifer Frost competed on America’s Next Top Model, and although she thought it was an opportunity to get out of her hick hometown (her words not mine) it was not going to be a good experience for her.

Now it’s not too strange if you don’t remember her, but don’t I mean to write Jennipher? Well, I just want to touch up on that. Because Jennipher was born a plain old Jennifer. She took it upon herself to rebrand, since so many girls have the name Jennifer.

She thought long and hard on it and then replaced the ‘f’ in her name by the homophone ‘ph’ and thus she ended up with the (wildly different) name ‘Jennipher’ instead.

That still means you pronounce it exactly the same way and that is honestly a little silly because phonetically you’d still be grouped with all the Jennifers.

She should have gone with something that also sounds different! What about Jennifour? Jennifun (I guess that wouldn’t really match her personality?) Maybe Nayiem (pronounced like name)?

But Jen, for the sake of this article I will refer to you as Jennipher, fine. I mean phine. Anyway, going into the competion Jennipher got called out fourth in the first week. That was for this picture in which she seems like she’s waiting for the bus and she is just inappropriately dressed.

Janice Dickinson stated she was ‘not a dog’ and unfortunately for Jen, that was going to be the best thing that anyone said about her in the competition. Every other episode Jen was going to get it (sometimes from several sources).

Jennipher came into the competition with what I refer to ‘crazy bitch length’ hair.

If a girl has hair that’s incredibly impractically long I believe truly there is something psychologically wrong with them and it’s some sort of weird way to hold on to something you need to let go off.

Come makeover week they of course cut her hair (because it’s not practical). And seeing as she didn’t get braids, who knew at that point how long Jennipher could be around?

When all what said and done the judges honed in on her lack of energy and the passion which was lacking behind her eyes in pictures. In fact this will be a recurring theme. She took this shot which the judges thought was dead, but I actually think it’s not that bad.

But the judges were not the only one that had issues with Jennipher. In the third week of the competition the girls had to walk a Heatherette fashion show where luckily for about-to-be-blind Amanda, there was glitter on the runway.

Anway, Eva won this runway challenge despite being tiny and she decided to rub it in people’s faces by chanting “In y’all tall bitches faces” and she wins the price of being on a boat or something, who cares.

While in the middle of the situation of Amanda’s trick to let Eva steal her crystals and catch her red handed (more on that hillbilly bullshit later), Jennipher was clearly annoyed by Eva’s brashness (perhaps not used to that city folk behaviour)

While Eva is ironing something in a hallway (how is that a good ironing spot by the way? ) Jennipher flat out says “I’m glad to have the bitch out of the house for an hour”. This is Eva’s response:

So you know shit is about to go down. Jennipher says she didn’t like it when Eva said “Oh you skinny bitches tuh-nuh-nuh-nuh”, to which Eva responds “I didn’t say skinny, I said tall“. On a later episode Eva would reveal that she did not think Jennipher was skinny at all, referring to her as ‘thick’.

I like that Jen made a compliment for herself from that taunt though because no one was going to give her one after the one Janice gave her by refering to her as ‘not a dog’.

But not only do the judges find her dull and uninspiring and lacking energy, a lot of girls now also think she is a bitch (which seems rather contradictory to me).

Eva makes this clear with the beginning of this paragraph (this is still a continuation of the same argument by the way):

I just love Jennipher’s face after that comment, she’s like ‘shit, they found out’ At one point the girls have to pose in the window of lingerie brand La Perla, because that is totally what models do. Yaya tries to sell underwear by doing this

Which I find to be really odd (contestant Kelle agreed with me). But it turns out Yaya did better than Jennipher because at least doing something odd is doing something. Jennipher stood there.

The judge for this challenge was creative director Simon Doonan and he makes the best comment ever about Jen, which also happens to be quite mean. “Jennipher is a little Dull. Slash very Dull.” Ouch.

During a judging challenge (remember when they did those?) in small shoes and a very tight pink dress. Jennipher, as the classy broad she is, decides to write ANTM on her ass and that at the end of the runway, will hike up her tight dress and show her ass to the judges. But seriously read that sentence a few times.

Imagine trying to write that on your ass yourself, if she did that herself it’s damn impressive. I personally adhere to the theory that someone helped her with it and wrote it on her cheeks for her. I just love that the ‘artist’ in this scenario did not at one point mention to Jen that this would go down like a lead balloon with the judges.

Anyway Janice mentions that playing that joke on a runway is like “license to get you fired”. That is an expression I have never heard and I’m pretty sure Janice made it up, but it does make me think of this:

But then like this:

The next week is terrible for Jennipher. Here is a little mood board of what people say about her:

(Perhaps I should have explained they had a photoshoot where they had to roller skate before I made that).

The nail in the coffin for Jennipher comes when she’s asked why she wants to be a model during judging and she responds with the comment “didn’t we go through this last week?”. This is the reaction from Janice and the other girls to that comment:

So err yeah, everyone can see the axe swinging and it’s Jennipher Frost’s head on the chopping block; and she goes home that week.

And so children, that is the story of Jennipher’s Phall I can only hope that Jennipher found happiness. From what I gather from social media I am at least somewhat certain she got out of Pocatello, so good on her (unless she didn’t in which case: too bad for her).

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